Impress these people on my heart...

Before I left for Iraq, I asked God to impress the people there upon my heart.  He did and has given me a new drive to pray much harder. Here is an excerpt from my summary letter …

Almost every person we cared for had fled their homes for fear of death. The time was split between caring for Muslim refugees (most of whom fled the war in Syria from the Northeast) and ethnic Christian refugees who had fled ISIS from the South. The last 2 days we held clinics in the cement skeleton of half-finished malls, where between 700-1,000 people now lived. One man stated to me, “this place is like a prison to me, but I have nowhere else to go.” As I saw patients each day, I would ask how their family was doing and what gave them hope to keep going. Here are some exact quotes that people said to me. “We have lost everything,” “God has abandoned us,”  “It all happened so fast, we had to leave my grandmother behind” “My son was killed as we fled” “All my savings in the bank is gone, I left with only the clothes on my back.” Some had young children who had been kidnapped, and many others had family that had been killed. 

It has certainly been the most sobering and eye opening trip I have ever taken.  But God is at work there in ways I can't write here… and I hope to go back again someday…

Redeeming the Movies

My friend told me he tries to find a redeeming value in every movie- some deeper life message or a "God message". I don't watch many movies these days but I recently flew overseas and had a nearly 50 hours of traveling time-… so I admit I watched… umm 6 movies on the plane. Here's to hyper-spiritualizing some of them.

GODZILLA- great movie! monsters fighting monsters while mankind is attacked and is powerless to stop them or protect themselves.  Message- We all have monsters in our life. they are far too powerful for us to defeat on our own. all my greatest weapons and fleshly A-bombs are like throwing pebbles at a dinosaur. Only something else - supernatural and out of this world - can kill it. stop trying to kill your own monsters people. you can't do it on your own. 

BIG HERO 6- great movie! message- even good people can be corrupted easily. Also - some things you thought were dead (like the daughter) might not really be dead in the end. 

so you who stand take heed that you do not fall. and for those who are down- take courage- He speaks to dead bones and can make them live again!

INCEPTION- another great movie! (I've really been missing out). Don't live in dreamland, Live in reality. stop living in dream-land Jennifer. stop holding onto the past. it's only breaking your heart all over again. ::sigh::  choose truth. 

IRON MAN 3. love the unlovely.  Sometimes I look at godly, highly influential and passionate people and think -  where would they be if it weren't for that sunday school teacher or faithful mother or friend who spoke grace to them at some point.  Were it not for the saving Grace of God in their life, how different their life would have been.  All that passion and zeal for God and righteousness would have just as easily been for evil and vanity. also, hurting people hurt people. love the unlovely, see those who no body sees. 

TEENAGE MUTANT NIJNA TURTLES - the Devil parades like an angel of light. watch out. he's so tricky and just wants to kill, steal and destroy you. pursue truth in your inmost being. 

on a side note, now you know my taste in movies. 

Christ, the hope of glory and our all in all.

recently God has encouraged me in Colossians , regarding all that He is and does for us. 1:12 He qualifies us, 1:13 He rescues us, and He  transfers us to His kingdom, 1:14 He redeems us. then 1:15, we are created for Him, held together by Him, reconciled to Him, v22 , and then we receive the marvelous mystery (v27) - Christ in us, the hope of glory!

What marvelous hope He is for a broken world and for me!

of hope and hopelessness...

There is always hope. even when I don't feel like it… because my eyes are not His eyes.

1. She sat in my exam room and refused to lift her eyes. She said her husband beats her regularly, and she had no friends because he had slowly made her cut off contact with everyone she loved. She thought she loved him. She bailed him out of jail last year and used all her money to pay for that. She said when she did that, she cut all her ties with people who initially wanted to help her get away from him. She has 5 kids at home. He is their only source of income. She was working, but he made her quit.    When I asked her who she can call for help, she says there is "no one. Even if I run to the police and they take him away, I have no where to go with my kids. I can't afford the house we live in, no affordable apartment will take me with 5 kids, and the woman's shelter for people like me, I've been there before …and well, I'd rather endure the beating. " 

2. He is schizophrenic, unkept and is asking for pain medications for his chronic inflammatory bowel disease. I can see all the scars from his multiple surgeries. I look at the records. He has been in and out of ERs twice a month for the last year. He has to live with the pain because he is too unreliable to take controlled medications. He says he wants to just die because he can't live with the pain anymore. But I know no one will give someone like him pain meds. and he wants to die. 

3. She is 85 years old. She retired form being a missionary 5 years ago after serving 35 years in the Philippines. She retired at 80. She says it was so hard for her to leave, much harder than it was for her to initially go so many years ago. She has joy and a sharp mind still. She comes to my office every 6 months and for the last 2 years has refused any medications even though her blood pressure is out the roof. She says she is ready to die, but with a smile. She prayed for me today. She gives me hope.

Tonight I just delivered a healthy baby girl into the arms of a mother who smoked pot her whole pregnancy and missed most of her prenatal care.

there is always hope...

Christ is Enough

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9fTw9MLKAo

Praises and more rocks from the Jordan...

I'm just praising God today for all the ways He worked this weekend and writing this just to remember what He has done.

Thanks God for bringing such a great turnout to the conference - much more than what was expected, much of it last minute. Letting us worship with a room of health professions together learning to share the gospel with patients and laying down our lives again at His feet for His purposes and praises. Thank You for letting the lecture go well, but enough feedback to keep me humble about it. People both shared that it was exactly what they needed to hear for courage to speak more openly and also gave me feedback on how to make it better. I was so humbled to be surrounded by these amazingly godly servants, whose books I have read,  several of them (Sherri O, Dave T, and Kent F) who have started and continue to direct low income ministry clinics in underserved areas, and even other attendings at my work, who have been my teachers,  and some missionaries too (Don S - who spent 10+ years working in Rwanda and now directs the missions department at a huge residency in KS)- all coming together for the gospel. Praising God for the patients' responses during the practicums and many stories of patients repenting and receiving Christ, some via conference attendendees who have never shared the gospel with anyone before that day! There were so many people praying about this conference and I see God showing up and working so beautifully in our hearts this weekend. Father, please let the seeds planted this weekend continue to bear fruit as each person goes back to their workplace.

Also Praising You for the amazing turnout and unity of the second conference -15 hardest places today.

Now I am both exhausted but full of a satisfied joy. Still to come
1. Iraq in 2 wks.
2. make lecture on osteoporosis for next week
3. sign up for CCHF conference in Atlanta.
4. be intentional about having intentional gospel probing conversations with patients during my down time on call rather than sleeping. - maybe dragging a resident with me each time.
5. Pray that my TB test is negative even though it is looking positive.


Also, today I was really affected by Dr Crouch's introduction- remembering that Jesus' disciples didn't come up to Him and ask, "teach us to give great sermons, lead amazing Bible studies, or be articulate gospel presenters. They say, "Lord, teach us to pray." That is what I want to seek God out for this next season of my life.  It's fitting that it is february and the end of winter is coming. Soon the springtime will come. I feel like this is perhaps true in my life. perhaps the winter is beginning to end, and he will bring to life those areas that have seemed asleep or dead for so long again.