Thank You

Thank You Lord for my parents' broken marriage, which although still has some negative residuals, helped me relate to and reach out to messed up teenagers better. Thank you that it was also a stimulant for my brothers and I to bond over and support each other through. Thank you also for the joy of getting to see them go on a few fun dates for the first time in years just in the last month.

Thank You Lord for the church split which devastated me initially, but that helped me to grow up, and gave me the opportunity to be at a church that needed youth workers and leaders. Thanks for teaching me so much during that time and for letting me know Rachel through  leading small groups together. Than you also during that time providing me other spiritual parents to were amazing examples of godliness.

Thank You for my car accident the week before going to Egypt. Thank you that no one was hurt but through it provided me a new car  that has air-conditioning and a working radio, and that insurance provided me with more money than my last car could be sold for.

Thank you for creating me with the worst sense of direction that anyone could have, so that although I get lost all the time, and that it often takes me longer to get places, I now can appreciate GPS and also if I don't have GPS, I really experience your grace in getting me home. Thank you that you have protected me from getting terribly lost in all my travels. Thank you for our special times of prayer together when I was terribly lost late at night and my phone/GPS had died…that you have always brought me home.

Thank you for that one time I was a dummy and ran out of gas on the side of the road, so that I could experience the help of friends that day and appreciate them even more. and thanks for all the other car problems I have had and how you always provided someone to help me. Thanks that although my wheel popped not he freeway once, it ended up being a great day with Sylvia and we got to talk about the gospel all day while being stuck together.

Thank you for very difficult work hours, Although it might slowly be taking years off my life, at least I know that my body is stronger than I would have imagined, and that if needed, it's ok not to sleep or eat for 24+ hours. There's something about knowing that you have done it before, that it makes other things less difficult sometimes. Thanks that I get paid for those difficult work hours and have so much financial freedom and freedom to be very generous and bless people so much. Although the hours are long, thank you that they are long spent taking care of people and doing something meaningful.

Thank you for my bad sense of smell. because it protects me from so many terrible experiences in the medical field and probably dumbs my taste buds down a little so that I can try and experiment with seemingly disgusting food and enjoy it.

Thank you that I am little, and although it makes me look like a kid and makes my patients suspicious of me, at least it's easy to fit all my clothes easily into small suitcases and travel relatively light compared to most people. Thanks also that I can try on most display shoes and not have to wait often for people to find my shoe size in the back.

Thank you for bad eyesight. because it makes me appreciate living in a country where I can have glasses, unlike other parts of the world where people just live with their blindness. Thanks for contacts too and that I'll get a new body in Heaven.

Thank you that my the suffering in this life will only make Heaven sweeter . And thank you that unlike this world, heaven is forever…even though I can't comprehend what that means

Thank you that my roommate has a really different personality than mine and that we butt heads sometimes. that she is naturally confrontational and more melancholy, but because we love each other and are committed to this friendship, we are learning to work through our differences and talk things out regularly and still be great friends. thanks for using our differences and conflicts to help me deal with sin that otherwise wouldn't be exposed,  learn to be better at loving people and also for providing me a good friend during this time.

Thanks for making me simple minded. even though I wish I could keep up mentally with the brilliant minded ones, for me, life is just easier this way.

Thanks for giving me personally problems so that I can experience wonderful counseling from Dr Armentrout and see how you can use introverted sensitive people to change lives.

Thank you for my personality, that although I hated it for so many years, and that it doesn't fit into the medical mold often, you somehow let me be happier with simple things easier. Thanks that I have met some amazing people with my personality type too and have models of how to be brave even though I'm naturally a wimp and a pushover. thank you that You have not given me a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self discipline.

Thank you for loving me, just as I am.
thank you for being a God who teaches me what love is.
thank You for giving a heart that is alive in you.
thank You that you pursued me and will hold on to me through all my storms. thank
and that I can give thanks in each difficulty because you can beautify these ashes.

my soul clings to You...

Whom have I in heaven but You? and besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever …but as for me, the nearness of God is my good.

Oh God you are my God, earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you my body longs for you, in a dry and dearly land where there is no water…Because Your love is better than life, my lips will praise You…my soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips. When I remember You on my bed I meditate on You in the night watches, for You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy. My Soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me. 

My Soul waits in silence for God only, from Him is my salvation.

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God for I shall again praise Him. For the help of His presence. 

Let the bones which you have broken rejoice...The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise. 

Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me. …cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you. 

You have taken account of my wanderings, put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?…This I know that God is for me, in God whose word I praise. 

My soul weeps because of tried, strengthen me according to Your word. 

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord,  I have no good besides You"… The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup…I have set the Lord continually before me…You will make known to me the path of life. In your presence is fullness of joy, in your right hand are pleasures forever. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not lack. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me besides quiet waters. He restores my soul..

Bless the Lord, O my soul, all that is within me, bless His holy name.



GREAT ARE YOU LORD by All Sons and Daughters

40 things I am thankful for today.

Today was a really good day. I actually expected it to be a long, stressful, bad day.  I didn't deserve this at all. I'm reminded of CJ Maheny-  that when asked how he is doing, he often says, "better than I deserve." I am a great sinner and often wonder why He would choose me at all, except that His Grace shines so brightly through this cracked pot. And the older I get, the more I need Him.

I wanted to write out thankful blogposts each day, but that is not going to happen. So today, here's what I am thankful for:

1. Getting to work in the hospital this week with good residents who have great attitudes.
2. My 100 year old lady patient with heart failure who stroked my hair today and told me I was the cutest nurse she had ever seen.
3. Getting to work with one intern on his very first month of inpatient service and encourage him after 2 really discouraging weeks.
4 Watch that intern round on 10 patients by himself and do a pretty good job
5. Getting to work with a good friend who happens to be the senior resident on this week.
6. Rounding on 21 patients and still being home by 3pm.
7. Not having any OB the last 2 days!
8. Having a good vaginal delivery a few days ago, ...after pushing for 3 hours most everyone thought she would for sure go to c-section, but she didn't!
9. Watching it snow outside my window in a warm house with scented candles and hot tea
10. Coming home to this same warm house smelling like cinnamon buns that my roommate baked.
11. Eating those cinnamon buns and laughing with awesome roommate
12. My dad telling me be had the best date with my mom fishing and she had a great time.
13. Having baked chicken for dinner.
14. Having the opportunity to prepare and give a lecture on evangelism/sharing the gospel for the interns on Tuesday and also being able to prepare and give a lecture on interpreting EKGs on Wednesday. (Lord, please prepare my heart for this and use these to equip them to better serve you).
15. Getting to live so close to the hospital.
16. That You love me as I am, but promise to not leave me the way I am.
17. For my little brother who loves You so much
18. For godly doctors to learn from
19. for David Crowder worship music playing from an iPhone that i didn't pay for.
20. for my soft bed.
21. For green things
22. For really thoughtful and smart friend who help me reason through things and exercise my brain.
23. for a roommate who is talented worship leader and fills our home with songs of worship.
24. That God is going to take me home someday to be with Him. all the difficult things on this side in light of eternity will be like to one inconvenient night's stay in a bad hotel. then I can go home.
25. for chocolate bons bons in this bad hotel.
26. for trees
27. For His Spirit that lives in me.
28. for the baked chicken I am about to eat.
29. for a high metabolism
30. that God actually hears me when I pray to Him and I can ask Him for anything I want…and He will give me what is good even if the answer is no to what I asked for.
31. for this nice computer to type on
32. For working internet
33. For being Chinese and being able to eat almost everything…so far.
35. for soft PJs
36. that none of the patients died today and are overall generally getting better.
37. That when there are mean people in my life who don't like me, I can pray for them and it really makes it a lot better
38. for this song that is playing right now, saying "when everything falls apart…You are only Hope for this heart" and that it is true.
39. for fuzzy socks
40. that You will work out all things (even the painful and broken parts) for my good..someday. and You are strong enough to do it and keep that promise.