strange goodbyes...

This last week was bizarre, deep, meaningful, broken, nasty, and bonding.

2 weeks ago my grandmother died. No one knows exactly how long she was dead for, but it had been anywhere from 2-5 days in a hot home where she was bloated and unrecognizable when my uncle found her. The police came and took her body to the morgue, but left behind was a large puddle of blood, urine, and leaked out body fluids in the kitchen floor. No one cleaned it up and even revisited that house for over a week, so it festered in that tiny 1000 square foot home in the hot Arizona Summer. I don't know why I feel compelled to write this here, but I need to.

After the funeral and lunch, our family went to see the house and help my uncle clean things up. I don't think any of us realized there had been no cleanup and were not quite prepared to see and smell what we did. I will just enter my dad's email description here:

"Got the worst job in my life but, I had to do it for family sake. Went to the houseafter the funeral where Betty's mom died and almost threw up when they open the door. Thought they had clean but Chester could not do it.  The stench of death was overwhelming. Never smell dead people before,  like bloated  deer by the road that been there in the sun for a week. The mostly dried  blood pool in the kitchen was 2'x 6' maybe bigger and 1/2" thick in places. Very hard to scrap off and released burst of vapor.  I picked up 3 - 5 gallon buckets of blood and bodily fluids. Use 3 gallons of cleaning fluid straight from the bottle.  Almost threw up 5 times. Could not make the  children ( Betty, brother and sisters)  clean up their mothers blood, just not right. And they had to go through the belongings in the stink. . So I did most and jennifer helped me finish up 2 hrs later. 4 hour job, what a mess... jennifer was a champ. "

So my dad and I cleaned up the biohazard material. I am glad we were there to do it though. Glad we could serve in this way. We bonded over it a little bit.

I also learned so much about my family, my mother and her childhood, and saw this house which I had never seen before. So I am thankful for all the things God showed me during this strange strip and also thankful to be able to spend time with this side of the family too.

This is the house my mom and her sibling grew up with. This was a home of great sorrow and difficulty for my mom also, so much so that I never came back here until now. It was complicated. Life is complicated. that's all for now.

She comes in her night gown...

She has pitch black half dyed hair over her white tangled roots. Large owl framed glasses and a long mums nightgown decorated with cartoon characters. She always comes in her nightgown. I love this woman. She has suffered a lot in her life. Her mom died when she was 6 yrs old, she was sexually abused growing up, then married into another abusive relationship in which she was repeatedly raped and then knocked out so many times she had developed some cognitive deficits. When she talks, it takes twice as long for her to say what she is thinking. She has of course, fibromyalgia, PTSD and severe anxiety issues. However, she is making steps forward. We got her off her pain medications with gabapentin. I assure her each visit her kidneys are not failing. Then I pray with her and she always is thankful with tears in her eyes. She says that she believes in God but also in all religions.

When she found out I was getting married, she gave me an old silver bookmark with doves in it. She said, "This is my wedding gift to you. This might not seem very special, but this is very special to me.  My mother gave to me before she died and her mother gave it to her."  She explained, it is from some famous music school in Europe that her grandmother attended. I felt awkward receiving it, yet knew that she gave it out of love and would be hurt if I invited she keep it. It was the last time I would see her and I had wanted to share the gospel with her, but time got away form me and I was 1 hour behind with 3 other patients already roomed and waiting for me.  So I prayed to end our visit and she hugged me and said her goodbyes. I did regret not sharing with her.

About 10 days later, she came in to see me unexpectedly. She said, "I know I don't really have anything special to talk about, but I wanted to come talk to you one last time and maybe get a life health plan from you... you know, like, any last recommendations you have for me?"   We have a wonderful encounter talking about overall health issues and then I asked her is she had ever heard the story of why Jesus came to our world and died? It was a big part of my life and I was happy to share with her if she was interested.

"Oh Yes! I would like to hear about it" she had said. That day, my dear friend prayed and received the Lord. She basically clung to the little gospel booklet for dear life and said "This is such a special day for me. " She just kept shaking the gospel booklet, "this is amazing, this is so special".

Indeed it was a special day for both of us. 

My Favorite Holiday is Good Friday.

She came into clinic to talk about anxiety and her cough. Easter weekend was approaching and I asked her if she had any plans for the holiday and she said she didn't. She admitted she wasn't really religious and faith wasn't a big part of her life.  After sending in a few prescriptions for her, I told her that my favorite holiday was Good Friday and was glad it was coming up so soon. She then explained "Oh really? MY favorite holiday is Good Friday also!!!" I was surprised to hear this and asked her "Why?" since she told me faith was't a big part of her life. "Well," she said, "It's because I was born on Good Friday!" I thought that was cool and asked her if she knew the meaning of Good Friday. "Well, mmmm, errr.. I should know this," she said since she went to a Catholic school for short time when she was young, but she didn't. She was happy when I asked her if she wanted me to explain it to her. She thought the illustration of the bridge was cool and exclaimed, "Wow! This is amazing! I'm going to pin this up by my desk at work!" I thought that was a strange reply and explained to her the difference between knowing facts about God and receiving Jesus as her King and Savior, the one who would forgive her and lead her life. So, a few days before Good Friday, ... a few days before her earthly birthday, my dear patient received prayed to receive the Lord and had a spiritual birthday! When she looked up from praying, she said "Wow, I feel like for the first time in my life I can talk to God!"

Today in clinic I saw her for the first time since she was born again. She had found a church and was in a women's small group. She was reading a book from her small group called "The Best YES" and said her family had started coming with her, including her children who were loving the childrens' program. Life had been hard the last few months will illnesses and surgeries but God was doing a good thing in her life.

Praise God!!

pretending

I grew up in a home trying to be the perfect Chinese daughter. Never cause trouble, say the right things, follow the rules, get perfect grades, help protect the façade that your family was perfect, especially at church. And it looked like that from the outside, but when I would come home, there would be yelling, breaking things, a lot of crying. So even from the start I knew this life was a lie. All my significance came from my A+ performance, and it was an exhausting and impossible front to keep up. I heard the gospel for the first time in Sunday school. When I finally understood that I was a broken dirty-hearted sinner, without any hope of being able to fix or save myself, I knew it was one of the truest things I had ever heard. So He had mercy and rescued me, and gave me a life where I didn’t have to pretend anymore.

Sometimes, 20 years later, I still find myself pretending. It often presents in me as a troubled depressed spirit, afraid and weighed down. But God gives me freedom and rest when I honestly come as I am, and repent of those things that I am putting my hope and self worth in that are outside of Jesus. When I lift my head, I find His saving grace, and remember how loved and cherished I am by Him.  

10-5-16 STD check.

 I was working walk-in clinic yesterday and a young man 18 yr old man comes in with his head down. He said he wanted STD testing. I could tell he was anxious so we talked a while about STDS, safe sex and the benefit of abstinence until marriage. Towards the end of the visit I asked if he wanted me to pray for him and he said he’d really appreciate that. When I asked him what I could pray for him, he started crying. He said life was just hard right now, he’s made some bad decisions and is really stressed out. I asked him if he felt like he had a relationship with God or knew God as his friend and he said he didn’t. I asked if being able to connect with God better and know how to talk with God was something he wanted and he said he did. I asked if it would be helpful if I explained to him how he could know God, know forgiveness and connect with God as His Father and he really was interested. So yesterday I had the opportunity to share the story of Jesus with this scared 18 yr old man, and he responded with a desire to follow Jesus as the leader and king of his life.  There was some follow-up and reading material I gave him after and I’m praising God for the joy of being part of this. Also praying that these seeds would grow into a true life that bears the fruit of salvation.   

As Sherry O'Donnel says, people come to the doctor for all kinds of reasons, but sometimes they let you into their brokenness- don't ignore the brokenness or refer them to someone later. Address their brokenness now, because that brokenness is often an open door. You don't know how long it will be open for. 

A lesson from trees...

One of my favorite places in the world is the Northern California coastline. It is marked by a very particular tree- the Cypress tree. The interesting thing about cypress trees is that they look different on the coastline than anywhere else due to the harsher climate of the cold and strong ocean winds. The coastal winds blow and shape them into beautiful misty shapes. In warmer and more protected areas, they are ugly bushes just filling space. 

 

It reminds me of how God uses the winds and pressures of our life circumstances to shape us into beautiful forms- much more beautiful than would occur in the safe comfort zones we often choose. 

things to remember...

This week...

I learned that the secret to really good home made chicken soup is LEMON

I learned that I have major blind spots!  I went to a kitchen cabinet to look for my tea thermos. I moved cups around and literally spent over 5 minutes searching one small shelf for this thing. I gave up. a half hour later I came over to the same shelf to grab a cup, and there it was, in the very CENTER and FRONT of the shelf- as if God was playing a trick on me!


A special conversation with a patient:

 She came to see me initially for a well woman exam, but had a lot of other issues to talk about. She told me about her ingrown toenail, her foot fungus, her high blood pressure and her lifelong palpitations,. She also told me about how she was raped in high school and how she struggled with depression and tried to commit suicide when she was in her 20s. She told  me that she was no longer suicidal but admitted that she did not have many friends and that she had never fully gotten counseling or healed from the rape. She cried most of her visit.

When I asked her about what her support system was like, It was revealed that she did not have a great support system. I asked her if she had the faith background that helped her deal with difficult things. She looked at me and said "I just want to be really honest with you - I want to understand God. I've been to church several times since moving to Tulsa. There's a church on every corner it seems, but every time I go I don't really know what's going on and I don't understand what they're talking about. Sometimes I talk to God but I don't know what he's thinking. But I really want to ! I really want to understand." So I asked her if it would be helpful if I explain to her what the Bible said about how we can connect with God and know him as her friend and she said she would like that. I walked her through the knowing God personally booklet. After each page asked her if it was helpful and if she wanted to keep going and she said she definitely did. When we talked about the forgiveness of God she asked me -" so do you think that God would forgive me for trying to commit suicide? " We talked about God's forgiveness and I think it was a breakthrough for her.  she said "This is something I've always wondered about and always troubled me". When we got to describing the two lives, one life without Jesus and one life with Jesus where he is the king and in the center, she said that she was the circle with a life without Jesus but was slowly moving towards the other circle. I asked her which circle she wanted to be and she said she wanted to be the life where Jesus was the center. I asked her if she wanted to make that step today and she said she did. She was shy and said she wanted to go home and do it in private. She was crying and really thankful for me taking the time to explain to her these basic things, these most important things. I will see her in a couple weeks to finish her well woman exam.

I was really encouraged by this encounter not only because of an opportunity to share the gospel, because there is nothing I did that deserved this opportunity or set up the situation or manipulated her in any way. She was simply hungry to know about how to know God. I was just thankful to be part of what God was already doing in her life, and be part of the special moment.

So hopefully in a month or so I will see her ingrown toenail removed, her palpitations evaluated, her blood pressure treated and improved, steps in her starting regular counseling for her past hurts. But most of all I hope to see a transformed woman who knows that she's the daughter and friend of God. I hope to see a sister - one who was dead and has now come alive.

An exciting email from our prayer team at the clinic:

Hi Dr. Jung!

I wanted to thank you for recommending that your patients come to our IHI Healing Rooms for prayer. On Tuesday this week we had three guests, all of whom were your patients.

The first -M- was suffering from Lupus and many ailments. Her mother had back pain. Both said they felt better afterward and were glad they came.

The third woman -M-  came for prayer for a grandson who is going through drug treatment. On her form she left the line about having a home church blank. So, in addition to praying for her physical needs, we felt that we needed to ask if she had given her life to Jesus. By the time she left she had prayed a prayer of salvation and asked Jesus to come into her life.

PTL!

Thank you again for your support and for the way you regularly encourage you patients to come for prayer.

Blessings to you!

--David