Sunday, August 25, 2019

He will wipe every tear...


At first it seems like God didn't answer my prayers.
Contrary to my prayers, I had a complicated pregnancy.
Contrary to my prayers I had an even more complicated, very painful delivery and recovery.
The most painful week of my life. The PTSD kind of experience.

Its not that God didn't answer or hear me. It's just that he said No. His goals are not a comfortable journey but to conform me to become more like Jesus. To be a more useful tool in His hands. And I am. I am a better doctor because of the gestational diabetes-- having to check my sugars 4x a day and stay on top of a no-carb diet and exercise. I am a better friend because of the painful recovery and delivery-- better able to help other new moms and KNOW just how difficult this process can be. I shed the tears that they will shed. But I now KNOW better how to be a useful help and to come alongside them better.  I am a better wife-- I love my husband much more through seeing him step up and serve me selflessly through this process. I am more thankful -- having needed to accept help from so many people who did what I could not do that first week that I could barely walk. I am more aware of my need for help and for the Lord-- a good place to be-- dependent on Him.

And in the quit moments of holding my precious little one, I am praying.. more than the many months before. Hours of holding him -- unable to do much else-- but hold him and pray.

...to hold him and learn to trust Him-- that even when He says No, He has all Authority in heaven and earth and is with me every day. Every moment and happening is filtered through his loyal furious love for me and works for my good. Ultimately these tears are for His glory and my Joy.  And He will keep all his Promises to me, for even when we are faithless, He is faithful for he cannot deny himself.

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”
Isaiah 40:11 NIV





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