There is something that only suffering can teach me- that is dependence. I often think to myself, "Lord, give me some rest and then it will be well with my soul. Give me a break, then I will seek Your face. In 3 weeks, when I finally have a free weekend, I'll have retreat with you and then I will taste of Your goodness." But this weariness, this...coming to an end of myself and finding I have no more strength, it leads me to Him. or at least, it shows the truth of what is in my heart. It brings the impurities of self-sufficiency and self-entitlement to the surface. I have nothing left to give. I am a mess. I am weak. The only time I experience His provision is when I have need. When I am strong and all is well around me, when I am well liked and all my needs met by other things-- His strength and sufficiency is a sweet tasting theory. I could sing of His love forever when all is well. But here and now- in the trough of life, Lord be strength of my heart, be my portion in this world. It is impossible without You now. I cannot go on without You.
"We were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life, indeed we have the sentence of death within ourselves, so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead"
"We were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life, indeed we have the sentence of death within ourselves, so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead"
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