pretending

I grew up in a home trying to be the perfect Chinese daughter. Never cause trouble, say the right things, follow the rules, get perfect grades, help protect the façade that your family was perfect, especially at church. And it looked like that from the outside, but when I would come home, there would be yelling, breaking things, a lot of crying. So even from the start I knew this life was a lie. All my significance came from my A+ performance, and it was an exhausting and impossible front to keep up. I heard the gospel for the first time in Sunday school. When I finally understood that I was a broken dirty-hearted sinner, without any hope of being able to fix or save myself, I knew it was one of the truest things I had ever heard. So He had mercy and rescued me, and gave me a life where I didn’t have to pretend anymore.

Sometimes, 20 years later, I still find myself pretending. It often presents in me as a troubled depressed spirit, afraid and weighed down. But God gives me freedom and rest when I honestly come as I am, and repent of those things that I am putting my hope and self worth in that are outside of Jesus. When I lift my head, I find His saving grace, and remember how loved and cherished I am by Him.  

10-5-16 STD check.

 I was working walk-in clinic yesterday and a young man 18 yr old man comes in with his head down. He said he wanted STD testing. I could tell he was anxious so we talked a while about STDS, safe sex and the benefit of abstinence until marriage. Towards the end of the visit I asked if he wanted me to pray for him and he said he’d really appreciate that. When I asked him what I could pray for him, he started crying. He said life was just hard right now, he’s made some bad decisions and is really stressed out. I asked him if he felt like he had a relationship with God or knew God as his friend and he said he didn’t. I asked if being able to connect with God better and know how to talk with God was something he wanted and he said he did. I asked if it would be helpful if I explained to him how he could know God, know forgiveness and connect with God as His Father and he really was interested. So yesterday I had the opportunity to share the story of Jesus with this scared 18 yr old man, and he responded with a desire to follow Jesus as the leader and king of his life.  There was some follow-up and reading material I gave him after and I’m praising God for the joy of being part of this. Also praying that these seeds would grow into a true life that bears the fruit of salvation.   

As Sherry O'Donnel says, people come to the doctor for all kinds of reasons, but sometimes they let you into their brokenness- don't ignore the brokenness or refer them to someone later. Address their brokenness now, because that brokenness is often an open door. You don't know how long it will be open for.