pretending

I grew up in a home trying to be the perfect Chinese daughter. Never cause trouble, say the right things, follow the rules, get perfect grades, help protect the façade that your family was perfect, especially at church. And it looked like that from the outside, but when I would come home, there would be yelling, breaking things, a lot of crying. So even from the start I knew this life was a lie. All my significance came from my A+ performance, and it was an exhausting and impossible front to keep up. I heard the gospel for the first time in Sunday school. When I finally understood that I was a broken dirty-hearted sinner, without any hope of being able to fix or save myself, I knew it was one of the truest things I had ever heard. So He had mercy and rescued me, and gave me a life where I didn’t have to pretend anymore.

Sometimes, 20 years later, I still find myself pretending. It often presents in me as a troubled depressed spirit, afraid and weighed down. But God gives me freedom and rest when I honestly come as I am, and repent of those things that I am putting my hope and self worth in that are outside of Jesus. When I lift my head, I find His saving grace, and remember how loved and cherished I am by Him.  

10-5-16 STD check.

 I was working walk-in clinic yesterday and a young man 18 yr old man comes in with his head down. He said he wanted STD testing. I could tell he was anxious so we talked a while about STDS, safe sex and the benefit of abstinence until marriage. Towards the end of the visit I asked if he wanted me to pray for him and he said he’d really appreciate that. When I asked him what I could pray for him, he started crying. He said life was just hard right now, he’s made some bad decisions and is really stressed out. I asked him if he felt like he had a relationship with God or knew God as his friend and he said he didn’t. I asked if being able to connect with God better and know how to talk with God was something he wanted and he said he did. I asked if it would be helpful if I explained to him how he could know God, know forgiveness and connect with God as His Father and he really was interested. So yesterday I had the opportunity to share the story of Jesus with this scared 18 yr old man, and he responded with a desire to follow Jesus as the leader and king of his life.  There was some follow-up and reading material I gave him after and I’m praising God for the joy of being part of this. Also praying that these seeds would grow into a true life that bears the fruit of salvation.   

As Sherry O'Donnel says, people come to the doctor for all kinds of reasons, but sometimes they let you into their brokenness- don't ignore the brokenness or refer them to someone later. Address their brokenness now, because that brokenness is often an open door. You don't know how long it will be open for. 

A lesson from trees...

One of my favorite places in the world is the Northern California coastline. It is marked by a very particular tree- the Cypress tree. The interesting thing about cypress trees is that they look different on the coastline than anywhere else due to the harsher climate of the cold and strong ocean winds. The coastal winds blow and shape them into beautiful misty shapes. In warmer and more protected areas, they are ugly bushes just filling space. 

 

It reminds me of how God uses the winds and pressures of our life circumstances to shape us into beautiful forms- much more beautiful than would occur in the safe comfort zones we often choose. 

things to remember...

This week...

I learned that the secret to really good home made chicken soup is LEMON

I learned that I have major blind spots!  I went to a kitchen cabinet to look for my tea thermos. I moved cups around and literally spent over 5 minutes searching one small shelf for this thing. I gave up. a half hour later I came over to the same shelf to grab a cup, and there it was, in the very CENTER and FRONT of the shelf- as if God was playing a trick on me!


A special conversation with a patient:

 She came to see me initially for a well woman exam, but had a lot of other issues to talk about. She told me about her ingrown toenail, her foot fungus, her high blood pressure and her lifelong palpitations,. She also told me about how she was raped in high school and how she struggled with depression and tried to commit suicide when she was in her 20s. She told  me that she was no longer suicidal but admitted that she did not have many friends and that she had never fully gotten counseling or healed from the rape. She cried most of her visit.

When I asked her about what her support system was like, It was revealed that she did not have a great support system. I asked her if she had the faith background that helped her deal with difficult things. She looked at me and said "I just want to be really honest with you - I want to understand God. I've been to church several times since moving to Tulsa. There's a church on every corner it seems, but every time I go I don't really know what's going on and I don't understand what they're talking about. Sometimes I talk to God but I don't know what he's thinking. But I really want to ! I really want to understand." So I asked her if it would be helpful if I explain to her what the Bible said about how we can connect with God and know him as her friend and she said she would like that. I walked her through the knowing God personally booklet. After each page asked her if it was helpful and if she wanted to keep going and she said she definitely did. When we talked about the forgiveness of God she asked me -" so do you think that God would forgive me for trying to commit suicide? " We talked about God's forgiveness and I think it was a breakthrough for her.  she said "This is something I've always wondered about and always troubled me". When we got to describing the two lives, one life without Jesus and one life with Jesus where he is the king and in the center, she said that she was the circle with a life without Jesus but was slowly moving towards the other circle. I asked her which circle she wanted to be and she said she wanted to be the life where Jesus was the center. I asked her if she wanted to make that step today and she said she did. She was shy and said she wanted to go home and do it in private. She was crying and really thankful for me taking the time to explain to her these basic things, these most important things. I will see her in a couple weeks to finish her well woman exam.

I was really encouraged by this encounter not only because of an opportunity to share the gospel, because there is nothing I did that deserved this opportunity or set up the situation or manipulated her in any way. She was simply hungry to know about how to know God. I was just thankful to be part of what God was already doing in her life, and be part of the special moment.

So hopefully in a month or so I will see her ingrown toenail removed, her palpitations evaluated, her blood pressure treated and improved, steps in her starting regular counseling for her past hurts. But most of all I hope to see a transformed woman who knows that she's the daughter and friend of God. I hope to see a sister - one who was dead and has now come alive.

An exciting email from our prayer team at the clinic:

Hi Dr. Jung!

I wanted to thank you for recommending that your patients come to our IHI Healing Rooms for prayer. On Tuesday this week we had three guests, all of whom were your patients.

The first -M- was suffering from Lupus and many ailments. Her mother had back pain. Both said they felt better afterward and were glad they came.

The third woman -M-  came for prayer for a grandson who is going through drug treatment. On her form she left the line about having a home church blank. So, in addition to praying for her physical needs, we felt that we needed to ask if she had given her life to Jesus. By the time she left she had prayed a prayer of salvation and asked Jesus to come into her life.

PTL!

Thank you again for your support and for the way you regularly encourage you patients to come for prayer.

Blessings to you!

--David

Notes from Dr Loyd Kim's Sermon on the Lord's Prayer- from Mission Weekend at CPC

Indian Benediction
Now may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ
and the love of God the Father be with you
and disturb you and trouble you
and set before you an impossible fast
and dare you to do it;
until, in your desperation,
you fall on your knees
and remain there until He fills you with His power
And then, but only then-
May the Lord grant you His peace.
--Amen.

In Matthew 6, Jesus teaches us how to pray. He says, do not pray repetitiously -- how often do we pray this way? This is especially true for when we say "the Lord Prayer". We recite it…repetitiously. Jesus didn't mean for us to pray it repetitiously, he meant for us to mean these words in our heart, and more- to adopt the World View of this prayer.

He says "Our Father". The world is hungry to be reconciled to their fathers. There is story of a man who had a fight with his son The son ran away and the Father was grieved. He looked and looked but couldn't find his son. He put an add in the local paper saying "Paco, meet me at the town square at noon friday, all is forgiven. love Papa. On friday 800 Pacos showed up looking for reconciliation with their fathers."  This is the starting place for Missions.  Reconciliation with your Father and a true relationship. Lets not wait another day- Today God is telling us, "All is Forgiven."

Jesus says "Hallowed be Thy Name"
We are so concerned with our reputations - often much more concerned with what people think of US rather than of God. Missions is about Hallowing the name and reputation of God. We go to the Nations so that all those who don't know him would know Him as Father.

Your Kingdom Come, Your will be done.
What is the opposite of this?  Am I living my life for My Will and My Kingdom?
In Cambodia, there is a King, but no one respects him or acknowledges him. In Thailand however, there is also a King who is extremely revered. If there is a strike or uprising among the people, all that is needed for peace is for the King to go there and say "Everyone be calm and go home" and everyone instantly puts down their signs and obeys him. When the world sees Christians, do they see a people that submits to their King in every area?

Give us today our daily Bread-

Americans today have trouble understanding this. We take for granted that our daily needs will be provided by the work of our hands.

Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors
--The remedy of conflict with others is forgiveness. The evidence of a life that is forgiven is a life that forgives. Conflict hinders the Kingdom of God. Cry out "God, keep me from the things that keep me from your kingdom.

Deliver us from the evil one- We have an enemy -- and it is not the people are are in conflict with. Stop fighting the wrong fight.