An encouraging note from my little brother...

All I know is that God is control of every small thing (Prov. 16:33) and every large thing (Acts 17:36-27). He determines everything and controls everything (ultimately). He does everything according to his wisdom which is too great for us to entirely comprehend (Rom 11:33-36). He also knows us entirely, including our inmost desires (Psalm 139) and what we need (Matt 6:8). He is too powerful to not know every single thing, including everything about us. For us who belong to Him through Christ, we are adopted as His children. The love a parent might have for his/her own is but a shadow of how much God loves us (1 John 3:1, Eph 3:18). He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7), and I think just as a person cares when those he/she loves is hurting, God likewise, cares very much when we also are hurting. And we will never be separated from this love (Rom 8:36-37), as God had planned our relationship with Him from start to finish (Ephesians 1-2), and has established his permanent mercy and grace for us in and through Christ. We are dearly loved by God (just like the title of paul washer’s sermon lawl).  Therefore, knowing everything, determining everything, and loving us as his very children, God will ALWAYS do what is good for us. This is so much so that we are to count it pure joy in our trials (James 1, Rom 5:3-5), as God will use them to mature us and make us firm in Him—who is the Christian’s infallible source of satisfaction, hope, and strength. Nothing will get in the way of God’s love for us, his good intention, or his plan for us (to be His people, now and forever). God will conform marriage or lack of marriage to his good purpose. He will conform missionary work soon or late, or lack of missionary work to his good purpose. (though even what you do in that will be according to what he has prepared for you already—Ephesians 2:10).

            Ya, I was thinking about stuff to encourage you with, but I don’t know if this is an encouragement to you. I know God will comfort you as he always does though. Prayer time I suppose? (Phil 4:6). Which reminds me of the 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 verse. God uses weakness to humble us, to draw us to Himself, to display his grace, and to perfect his power.

Gina of Rubies

Gina is a lady from my church whose perspective on life is always bringing me back to God's heart. I recently went on a trip with her to a third world country. The morning were supposed to leave, she fell down a fight of stairs and was hurt but still able to travel.  She was telling me,

"Jen, it's ok this happened to me. It's a reminder that God sends us in our weakness."

Am I so aware of His strength that I do not fear my inadequacy at all, but all the more throw myself into His strong arms and trust that it is enough?   It is so easy to het caught up in this clay pot, the shape of the pot and smoothing out the cracks, that I forget it's not about this pot at all, it's about Christ in me.  He rescued me in my weakness. He sustains and indeed sends me in it as well. 

Oh Lord, Your praise and renown are the desire of our hearts... not ours but Yours. ..

Debbie the Valiant

Sometimes you just write so you won't forget the stones in the Jordan. And maybe this random blog should be just that, stones in the Jordan, making a pillar to look back on and remember what God has done.

Memory 1: Debbie.

Debbie went on a recent trip with me out of the country. She has an anxiety disorder and fibomylagia (a chronic pain disorder that might or might not be in your head but renders your body hypersensitive to pain and fatigue). She is usually the type of person who is a medical doctor’s worst nightmare.  But over the course of this last week I saw her exert a tremendous amount of Courage.  Now courage is not really about doing hard things, and it is not about be fearless. It is about seeing something and being afraid- but choosing to do it anyways.  She had more fear than all of us combined and she took amazing steps of faith each day. She cried and gripped my hand as the plane took off and landed (and knew she would since she has a fear of flying).  She worked harder than she had ever worked in her life and spoke more boldly than she had ever spoken before. And I saw her change before my eyes. She did not come back the same person. She was a valiant warrior and she was beautiful. When I think about Debbie, I have hope for difficult people...for those that the world would ordinarily give up on…for my patients who are paralyzed in a cycle of helplessness. I have hope for change for them. And then I can also look at my own life and have hope for change from the same Hands.  

Sometimes I know who I am and sometimes I don't. But I know who He is. He is constant, unchanging, and abounding in love...

-anonymous author-

Metamorphosis

Today  I was at my church small group and we were talking about this verse:

"Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."

I was struck by how important the word of God is in my transformation and battle against sin. One comment was that our churches (Christians) today are so weak because often they are more focused on an experience and emotional rushes rather than a serious study and meditation on the Word of God.  The renewing of my mind literally brings transformation i.e. metamorphosis- and when we think about the caterpillar turning into a butterfly- it seems a painful struggle in that cocoon ..but only for a little while. I was really encouraged to press on and dig deeper, not just for growth and joy and peace in the Lord, but for transforming things that have such great need to be completely made new.

4 a.m.

Its 4am.  I've been awake since a little after midnight.  So far this morning, I listened to a marvelous sermon (which I missed 2 weeks ago because I was working), paid several bills, planned food for an event at my place tonight.. and wasted brain cells on youtubes posted on Facebook.

backup. It started 8am 2 days ago. I precepted clinic in morning, then at lunch went to the hospital to take Call for the rest of the day and overnight. There was an OB patient in labor all day who delivered at midnight, another who came in severely dehydrated with fetal distress, and another who came in at 2am with preterm labor. Meanwhile 6 new hospital admissions- including a sick 8 month old child with flu, 2 patients with altered mental status, alcoholic withdrawal, a chest pain patient, and an esophageal stricture. Somewhere in there I gave 2 lectures to the day and night interns and finished a powerpoint for a future lecture. I laid down at 4:30a, friday morning, work up (late actually) at 7am, saw some patients and then checked out with the day physician around 8:15am. I went home, spent time with Jesus and slept from 9:30-11:30, talked with my roommate and started my Friday afternoon clinic at 1pm. I was weak and tired, forgot to eat breakfast and lunch since I was post call, but God graciously blessed each encounter I had that afternoon. When I got home, I ate a huge omelet, watched a funny show on Hulu and fell asleep at 7pm.

I will probably go back to sleep soon, then when I wake up I will clean my apartment, shop for food for tonight, host the prayer sendoff for my friends moving to Malawi, and go to bed early again. A patient is coming to church with me tomorrow. Then after church, I will go back to the hospital to take Call and start this process all over.

other goals for today
Buy plane tickets for a friend's Wedding in April
Start a lecture on Pediatric Asthma to give in Egypt.
Make a prayer letter for that trip too.
Read Hosea.

Some might look at this and think I'm manic. Some might be impressed. Some might judge me for being a workaholic. Some might feel sorry for me, some might put me on a pedestal, some might think I'm bragging, others complaining.  Maybe its all those things, maybe its none.

Lord, let this not be for vain glory, as worthless works and empty striving.  I want my life poured out, the wick burned low, to run hard not for the the vanity and approval of men, but for your name and renown.  Check my heart, make it right.

When we cannot go on...

There is something that only suffering can teach me- that is dependence.  I often think to myself, "Lord, give me some rest and then it will be well with my soul. Give me a break, then I will seek Your face. In 3 weeks, when I finally have a free weekend, I'll have retreat with you and then I will taste of Your goodness." But this weariness, this...coming to an end of myself and finding I have no more strength, it leads me to Him. or at least, it  shows the truth of what is in my heart. It brings the impurities of self-sufficiency and self-entitlement to the surface. I have nothing left to give. I am a mess. I am weak.  The only time I experience His provision is when I have need.  When I am strong and all is well around me, when I am well liked and all my needs met by other things-- His strength and sufficiency is a sweet tasting theory. I could sing of His love forever when all is well.  But here and now-  in the trough of life, Lord be strength of my heart, be my portion in this world. It is impossible without You now. I cannot go on without You.

"We were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life, indeed we have the sentence of death within ourselves, so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead"