If it had not been for the pain...

When I called my mom, I was hurting. 

I cried and asked her to come help me 4 weeks early. 

She came and we had the most peaceful, healing 4 weeks together. 

Healing that has been needed for about 20 years. 

Only God knew what He was doing in the pain. 

Had I not had the cesarean and poor anesthesia and complications, I would not have cried out.

Had I not cried out, she would not have come.

Had she not come, I would have missed out on this precious month together. 

-month that has changed my relationship with my mom and how I see her. 

 something better to remember her for forever. 

#stonesfortheJordan

Surgery for your good...

My baby had tongue tie laser surgery this week. It was really painful for him and we are left with instructions to do tongue and lip stretches every 4 hours for the next month to prevent the wound from closing back to it's original form. Every time we do the stretches, my baby boy screams bloody murder-- I know it hurts him. Probably stings and it even hurts a little for him to eat-- he cries and feeds and cries and feeds. It's so painful to my heart to watch him in pain, but we need to do it so he can eat well, grow and be healthy.  It hurts to know he doesn't know why we are doing it-- he just knows WE are doing it and it hurts. But it's good for him. I don't find any pleasure in his pain.. but it must be done.

This helped me understand a little why God lets us suffer at time. He doesn't find pleasure in my suffering, but allows it so I can grow and be healthy-- ultimately to mature more into His image-- more like Jesus.. for my good. and His glory. I don't always know why or what He's doing. but I can trust He loves me with the heart of a good Father who wants fullness of Joy and Life for his children. He is wise, loving and able. I just have need to trust His heart.