I had a terribly violent but remarkable dream. I was in a clothing store and suddenly there were groups of armed militant men from the Middle East filling the store. The store became darker and I hid behind some clothing while the men began killing everyone in the store, including one of my best friends who was with me. I was able to escape and somehow discovered that my parents also had been killed. I was running and found myself in a dark room. Suddenly there He was- Jesus- standing in front of me with light around Him- and he reached out and embraced me with the most comforting hug. I remember feeling like everything would be ok. He then left and I was on my way. There was another scene with a murderer - a man like the Joker- but without the makeup, standing in an art gallery room alone with his head down. The door opened and an art teacher called out to him an then the murderer stabbed him in the neck and killed him. I don't know what triggered these dreams but I felt that being visited by Jesus in this one was meaningful to me and wanted to remember it here.
Monday, December 11, 2017
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
30 days of thanksgiving Day 1
Thank You Lord for my husband Brian. Thank you that He is a kind, loving, thoughtful, gentle man who loves you and wants to follow and obey you. Thank you for our morning walks and talks, our wacky talky thursdays and getting to go to sleep and wake up together. Thank you for his love and affection and for letting marriage be better than I expected so far. Thanks that we got to celebrate with a beautiful wedding (also more beautiful, fun, and better than expected), and also a fun honeymoon (also more sweet and fun than expected).
Saturday, July 22, 2017
strange goodbyes...
This last week was bizarre, deep, meaningful, broken, nasty, and bonding.
2 weeks ago my grandmother died. No one knows exactly how long she was dead for, but it had been anywhere from 2-5 days in a hot home where she was bloated and unrecognizable when my uncle found her. The police came and took her body to the morgue, but left behind was a large puddle of blood, urine, and leaked out body fluids in the kitchen floor. No one cleaned it up and even revisited that house for over a week, so it festered in that tiny 1000 square foot home in the hot Arizona Summer. I don't know why I feel compelled to write this here, but I need to.
After the funeral and lunch, our family went to see the house and help my uncle clean things up. I don't think any of us realized there had been no cleanup and were not quite prepared to see and smell what we did. I will just enter my dad's email description here:
"Got the worst job in my life but, I had to do it for family sake. Went to the houseafter the funeral where Betty's mom died and almost threw up when they open the door. Thought they had clean but Chester could not do it. The stench of death was overwhelming. Never smell dead people before, like bloated deer by the road that been there in the sun for a week. The mostly dried blood pool in the kitchen was 2'x 6' maybe bigger and 1/2" thick in places. Very hard to scrap off and released burst of vapor. I picked up 3 - 5 gallon buckets of blood and bodily fluids. Use 3 gallons of cleaning fluid straight from the bottle. Almost threw up 5 times. Could not make the children ( Betty, brother and sisters) clean up their mothers blood, just not right. And they had to go through the belongings in the stink. . So I did most and jennifer helped me finish up 2 hrs later. 4 hour job, what a mess... jennifer was a champ. "
So my dad and I cleaned up the biohazard material. I am glad we were there to do it though. Glad we could serve in this way. We bonded over it a little bit.
I also learned so much about my family, my mother and her childhood, and saw this house which I had never seen before. So I am thankful for all the things God showed me during this strange strip and also thankful to be able to spend time with this side of the family too.
This is the house my mom and her sibling grew up with. This was a home of great sorrow and difficulty for my mom also, so much so that I never came back here until now. It was complicated. Life is complicated. that's all for now.
2 weeks ago my grandmother died. No one knows exactly how long she was dead for, but it had been anywhere from 2-5 days in a hot home where she was bloated and unrecognizable when my uncle found her. The police came and took her body to the morgue, but left behind was a large puddle of blood, urine, and leaked out body fluids in the kitchen floor. No one cleaned it up and even revisited that house for over a week, so it festered in that tiny 1000 square foot home in the hot Arizona Summer. I don't know why I feel compelled to write this here, but I need to.
After the funeral and lunch, our family went to see the house and help my uncle clean things up. I don't think any of us realized there had been no cleanup and were not quite prepared to see and smell what we did. I will just enter my dad's email description here:
"Got the worst job in my life but, I had to do it for family sake. Went to the houseafter the funeral where Betty's mom died and almost threw up when they open the door. Thought they had clean but Chester could not do it. The stench of death was overwhelming. Never smell dead people before, like bloated deer by the road that been there in the sun for a week. The mostly dried blood pool in the kitchen was 2'x 6' maybe bigger and 1/2" thick in places. Very hard to scrap off and released burst of vapor. I picked up 3 - 5 gallon buckets of blood and bodily fluids. Use 3 gallons of cleaning fluid straight from the bottle. Almost threw up 5 times. Could not make the children ( Betty, brother and sisters) clean up their mothers blood, just not right. And they had to go through the belongings in the stink. . So I did most and jennifer helped me finish up 2 hrs later. 4 hour job, what a mess... jennifer was a champ. "
So my dad and I cleaned up the biohazard material. I am glad we were there to do it though. Glad we could serve in this way. We bonded over it a little bit.
I also learned so much about my family, my mother and her childhood, and saw this house which I had never seen before. So I am thankful for all the things God showed me during this strange strip and also thankful to be able to spend time with this side of the family too.
This is the house my mom and her sibling grew up with. This was a home of great sorrow and difficulty for my mom also, so much so that I never came back here until now. It was complicated. Life is complicated. that's all for now.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
She comes in her night gown...
She has pitch black half dyed hair over her white tangled roots. Large owl framed glasses and a long mums nightgown decorated with cartoon characters. She always comes in her nightgown. I love this woman. She has suffered a lot in her life. Her mom died when she was 6 yrs old, she was sexually abused growing up, then married into another abusive relationship in which she was repeatedly raped and then knocked out so many times she had developed some cognitive deficits. When she talks, it takes twice as long for her to say what she is thinking. She has of course, fibromyalgia, PTSD and severe anxiety issues. However, she is making steps forward. We got her off her pain medications with gabapentin. I assure her each visit her kidneys are not failing. Then I pray with her and she always is thankful with tears in her eyes. She says that she believes in God but also in all religions.
When she found out I was getting married, she gave me an old silver bookmark with doves in it. She said, "This is my wedding gift to you. This might not seem very special, but this is very special to me. My mother gave to me before she died and her mother gave it to her." She explained, it is from some famous music school in Europe that her grandmother attended. I felt awkward receiving it, yet knew that she gave it out of love and would be hurt if I invited she keep it. It was the last time I would see her and I had wanted to share the gospel with her, but time got away form me and I was 1 hour behind with 3 other patients already roomed and waiting for me. So I prayed to end our visit and she hugged me and said her goodbyes. I did regret not sharing with her.
About 10 days later, she came in to see me unexpectedly. She said, "I know I don't really have anything special to talk about, but I wanted to come talk to you one last time and maybe get a life health plan from you... you know, like, any last recommendations you have for me?" We have a wonderful encounter talking about overall health issues and then I asked her is she had ever heard the story of why Jesus came to our world and died? It was a big part of my life and I was happy to share with her if she was interested.
"Oh Yes! I would like to hear about it" she had said. That day, my dear friend prayed and received the Lord. She basically clung to the little gospel booklet for dear life and said "This is such a special day for me. " She just kept shaking the gospel booklet, "this is amazing, this is so special".
Indeed it was a special day for both of us.
When she found out I was getting married, she gave me an old silver bookmark with doves in it. She said, "This is my wedding gift to you. This might not seem very special, but this is very special to me. My mother gave to me before she died and her mother gave it to her." She explained, it is from some famous music school in Europe that her grandmother attended. I felt awkward receiving it, yet knew that she gave it out of love and would be hurt if I invited she keep it. It was the last time I would see her and I had wanted to share the gospel with her, but time got away form me and I was 1 hour behind with 3 other patients already roomed and waiting for me. So I prayed to end our visit and she hugged me and said her goodbyes. I did regret not sharing with her.
About 10 days later, she came in to see me unexpectedly. She said, "I know I don't really have anything special to talk about, but I wanted to come talk to you one last time and maybe get a life health plan from you... you know, like, any last recommendations you have for me?" We have a wonderful encounter talking about overall health issues and then I asked her is she had ever heard the story of why Jesus came to our world and died? It was a big part of my life and I was happy to share with her if she was interested.
"Oh Yes! I would like to hear about it" she had said. That day, my dear friend prayed and received the Lord. She basically clung to the little gospel booklet for dear life and said "This is such a special day for me. " She just kept shaking the gospel booklet, "this is amazing, this is so special".
Indeed it was a special day for both of us.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
My Favorite Holiday is Good Friday.
She came into clinic to talk about anxiety and her cough. Easter weekend was approaching and I asked her if she had any plans for the holiday and she said she didn't. She admitted she wasn't really religious and faith wasn't a big part of her life. After sending in a few prescriptions for her, I told her that my favorite holiday was Good Friday and was glad it was coming up so soon. She then explained "Oh really? MY favorite holiday is Good Friday also!!!" I was surprised to hear this and asked her "Why?" since she told me faith was't a big part of her life. "Well," she said, "It's because I was born on Good Friday!" I thought that was cool and asked her if she knew the meaning of Good Friday. "Well, mmmm, errr.. I should know this," she said since she went to a Catholic school for short time when she was young, but she didn't. She was happy when I asked her if she wanted me to explain it to her. She thought the illustration of the bridge was cool and exclaimed, "Wow! This is amazing! I'm going to pin this up by my desk at work!" I thought that was a strange reply and explained to her the difference between knowing facts about God and receiving Jesus as her King and Savior, the one who would forgive her and lead her life. So, a few days before Good Friday, ... a few days before her earthly birthday, my dear patient received prayed to receive the Lord and had a spiritual birthday! When she looked up from praying, she said "Wow, I feel like for the first time in my life I can talk to God!"
Today in clinic I saw her for the first time since she was born again. She had found a church and was in a women's small group. She was reading a book from her small group called "The Best YES" and said her family had started coming with her, including her children who were loving the childrens' program. Life had been hard the last few months will illnesses and surgeries but God was doing a good thing in her life.
Praise God!!
Today in clinic I saw her for the first time since she was born again. She had found a church and was in a women's small group. She was reading a book from her small group called "The Best YES" and said her family had started coming with her, including her children who were loving the childrens' program. Life had been hard the last few months will illnesses and surgeries but God was doing a good thing in her life.
Praise God!!
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